Broken
by Jeebus dirtface
Summary: Since Aizen's betrayal, the pressure has been building on Hitsuguya. Now it's reached boiling point and he's reached his limit. Fortunately, there's a caring friend in his lieutenant.


Author's Note: Well, this idea came to me as I lay isolated in a field of death and decay…or you know, while I was trying to sleep. Either way, the idea came to me. I didn't exactly go out and look for it.

She could sense his growing anxiety and depression for some time, but she had yet to act upon it. She supposed, now, was as good time as any.

It had started after the Aizen debacle, when he was revealed to be the master perpetrator behind the ryoka incident. It hit her captain hard, harder than most at any rate. He had been there; he'd seen his childhood friend cut down and then suffered a swift defeat at his hands.

Since then, his mood had become somewhat grumpier and more irritable, but it was understandable, considering the circumstances. In time, he would heal. After all, time heals all wounds, right?

Then she woke up. For a brief moment, there was a glimmer of hope. And then she spoke. At that moment, Matsumato could hear it; the sound of her captain's heart shattering at her voice. It didn't occur with any great fanfare but nonetheless it came. Outwardly, the young captain managed to maintain his façade to his childhood friend and to others, but she knew he was a broken man. All the pressure had finally got to him; the weight had snapped his small frame.

And still, she did nothing. Perhaps it was the foolhardy notion that her captain was infallible to such…humanity, as he always claimed to be. Looking back, she had no reason to hold her back from helping her captain save that she was in denial.

In the weeks following, she noticed a change. To those that didn't know him too well, there was nothing visible. But it was little things in the way he behaved that she noticed. For instance, when she didn't do her required paperwork; instead of scolding her like he normally did, he simply sighed, in a resigned manner, akin to if he had accepted defeat. She would've much preferred a scolding.

When she came late in one morning, he was stacked behind some paperwork. He did not greet her or even acknowledge her. Instead, he kept his head down on the task. Even when Ikkaku and Renji loudly made their presence known, he didn't even grimace. He just kept his head down. The behaviour was so abnormal that Ikkaku so eloquently put the problem into words:

"The fuck is wrong with him?"

Despite all that, Rangiku kept silent about this matter. In time, she thought, he would recover like it was any physical injury. He was her captain: the prodigy. He would recover. And if he needed help, she would be there for him. She only awaited his command.

However, it didn't take his order for her to finally confront his demons. In fact, it took a routine hollow disturbance to finally break the ice, so to speak.

They sensed the influx of spirit pressure. It wasn't large enough to be an arrancar but it wasn't small enough to be negligible. They answered the call and it turned out to be a score of hollows. They were, frankly, supposed to be no trouble. Indeed, it took little over four minutes to deal with them. Or so Rangiku had thought. But her captain had been careless; his senses so heavily dulled by the torrid of negativity that he failed to even fully kill a hollow. The hollow took its opportunity and swiped at Hitsuguya's shoulder blade from behind. He screamed in pain and Matsumato dealt with the critter before it could do any further harm. He dropped to the floor but then picked himself back up; shocking his vice-captain with an image she would never forget.

He stood there, with his torso bloodied front to back. The strike had pierced right through him. His blood dripped off his arm. But that wasn't what really got to Matsumato. It was his eyes. They were so dull, void of any life. She would go as far as to say he was even disappointed. It seemed as though he wanted that strike to be fatal. Then they rolled back and his body went limp. She was quick to react; catching him before his knees even touched the floor. He'd lost a lot of blood from that strike but she wasn't going to lose him.

Ignoring the gasps of shock and half-hearted protests, Matsumato stormed the 4th squad headquarters with a bloodied child-like figure in her arms, unmoving. She moved around with a purpose; finding either Isane or Captain Unohana to treat him. It was fortunate that Captain Unohana heard all the commotion and stopped Matsumato in her tracks.

"He's hurt real bad." Rangiku stated, skipping pass pleasantries. Catching the drift, the serene captain motioned Rangiku to follow her and they hastily made their way to an empty room. Rangiku laid the motionless captain on the bed, and let the experienced woman get to work. She did not ask where he got the injuries or how it had happened; that was one thing Rangiku admired about the older female. She too could probably sense the trouble surrounding this case.

Soon enough, he had been patched up but Unohana wanted to keep him overnight just in case there were any after-effects. It was understandable; she had to take precautions since a captain had been taken down. She turned to Rangiku.

"You should get some rest. You can return here in the morning to check on your captain." Matsumato obliged without dissent. She was exhausted after the dreadful turn of events. But she made a point to return early morning to check on her captain.

However, early was not exactly Rangiku's cup of tea. Still, she managed to get to the 4th squad station at the ungodly hour of 6:30. Bursting into the room, she soon realized it wasn't early enough as the bed was vacated. She found that peculiar though; the attendant said that the captain hadn't checked out yet and his bed sheets hadn't been tidied. She racked her brain; where could her captain have gone if he hadn't left the building?

Then it hit her, in a nauseating way. She knew where he had gone or rather who had gone to see. She once again used the services of the attendant to get directions for the 5th squad's lieutenant. She quickly made her way there, thankful that the building was pretty solitary at this hour.

Detecting some noise, she slowed down. It sounded there were two people talking. She hid her spirit pressure as best she could and walked to the door, which was half ajar.

"So is Aizen-taicho still on his secret mission?" So much for totally hiding her spirit pressure; it spiked when she heard that question. She didn't bother hiding any more, and walked in.

"Hey Hinamouri!" She greeted her captain's friend.

"Oh, hey Rangiku!" She replied with enthusiasm. "I haven't seen you for so long!" She clasped her hands excitedly. "How've you been? I imagine it's been hard the past few months." Momentarily, the lieutenant was confused. Then she remembered: Gin.

In Hinamouri's eyes, Gin had been the prime criminal, the mastermind behind the scheme, and Aizen had been manipulated or tricked into helping him. Tousen…well, she didn't even know about his treachery. In the end, all that mattered was Aizen: the man whose blade still impales her and Hitsuguya.

"I've been…coping." She didn't know what else to say. Hinamouri nodded in acknowledgement before turning her attention back to Hitsuguya.

"So do you know when Aizen-taicho will be back from his mission?" Rangiku raised an eyebrow at this. What 'mission' was she exactly talking about?

"Mission?" She simply said in a dumbfounded manner. Hinamouri became all flushed and panicky. Hitsuguya didn't even react.

"Oops! I shouldn't have blurted that out! Is it ok if I tell her?" The small vice-captain asked the boy. He barely croaked a yes.

"Aizen has been secretly working undercover to foil Ichimaru's schemes and reporting back! He's still one of us!" Rangiku had to keep her stomach from lurching out the morning contents. What? How? Is this even true?

"Captain, since when did?" He cut her off in a chilly tone.

"What do YOU think?" He said, glaring at her. She could see that he hadn't slept very much after she'd left.

It was a lie; a lie to make Hinamouri feel better; a lie that was destroying the spirit of her captain. Rangiku couldn't stand being here any longer, nor did she want her captain to suffer under this circumstance.

"Hinamouri, Aizen isn't-" but she was promptly cut off by her captain.

"I'm sorry Hinamouri, but we have to get going now. Lots of work needs to be done today. Get well soon." She nodded whole-heartedly and bid her farewells to the highest ranking positions in 10th squad.

The captain and lieutenant walked side by side silently until they reached the checkout. He quickly signed himself out and headed away, with Matsumato silently following. She wanted to say something but couldn't find the words.

He entered the 10th squad building and rapidly made his way to their shared office. Awaiting him was a pile of paperwork. He sat at his desk and began straightaway. Matsumato found herself rendered in disbelief.

"Captain…" she said quietly. He didn't respond.

"What are you doing…" she mumbled at him.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" He snapped back with surprising malevolence.

"You should rest. You're still injured." She spoke up now.

"I can't rest. I have work to do." She heaved in annoyance. He was being unusually stubborn. Or rather, his usual stubbornness had returned at the most awkward time.

"You can't work like this. Not when you're in that state." His head shot up and she met that familiar icy glare. He stood up defiantly now, with a slight increase in spirit pressure.

"What state are you talking about?" His fists were clenched now. She was finally getting through to him.

"You're driving yourself into the ground, Captain. You're carrying too much on your shoulders." She didn't know what she was saying but nonetheless, it got a reaction.

"Too much? I'm a captain of the Gotei 13! I'm not a kid!" He protested, ironically, like a child. "I can't just stop working because I feel unhappy or tired! That's not what a captain does! We're here to lead by example!" He paused momentarily now. His eyes were beginning water, and his spirit pressure was destabilising.

"If I stop working just because I'm 'in a state' then what happens then? What would I do then?" Despite all the prowess of the captain, he couldn't stop the tears from escaping his eyes now, as they flowed down his face. Not wanting to show weakness, he began walking around the desk, trying to pass Matsumato by. She only had to place a hand on his shoulder to stop him. He looked up at her with tears freely flowing.

"What should I do now, Matsumato…?" He trailed off as his body began to convulse with sobs. Yet he held them back from totally controlling his body.

"I'm so tired now, Matsumato…If I stop, I don't think I'll ever be able to start again. I just wish…" he trailed off again, eyes focused on the floor. Even now, he was trying to hide his shame from his loyal lieutenant.

She knew the confrontation would get ugly, which is why she'd held it off for so long. But somehow, she'd never imagined that it would come to this. She would never imagine that his spirit was in such tatters that he was so…human. She wanted to do something to comfort him. She kneeled down, so that they were level, and embraced him, putting his head onto her shoulders, letting the tears soak into her robe. It looked like a mother hugging her child after he'd had a nasty fall.

For once, he did not jump back maniacally at such contact. He was so numb and tired that he just didn't care anymore about being a captain. He just wanted it to end; this unbearable pain he had been carrying around for what seemed like an eternity. He let the sobs overtake his body and let it convulse accordingly, because he could no longer hold them in. His tears emptied into her shoulder. He knew it was demeaning and shameful for him to seek aid of his lieutenant but he couldn't help it. He was just so exhausted from everything.

"Just relax Captain. You've earned it more than anyone." She gently lifted his small frame onto the resident couch. He abided without hesitation, closing his eyes. There was still the odd sob but his breathing began to regulate as his sobs died down. She placed a blanket over him and he instinctively wrapped his fingers around the edge of it, pulling it close to him. Looking at him now, he seemed so pure and innocent. His face was, for once, seemed relax after all these months.

She turned around and grimaced. There was a lot of paperwork in front of her. She groaned. There was no choice but to get down to it now.

He awoke from his slumber several hours later, unaware of his surroundings at first. As his eyes readjusted to the light, the memory of what happened earlier came back to him.

"Matsumato?" He drawled out, still in the process of waking up. She shot up from the desk, quickly noting that her captain had only just woken up. Thankfully, he had not caught her sleeping on the job as well.

"Yes Captain?" He didn't say anything for awhile but sat there contemplating to himself.

For once, the unbearable pain he suffered from finally seemed to ease up. Make no mistake: it was still there but now it was a bearable burden instead as he had someone to share it with. After a short while, he finally spoke again.

"Thank you." She smiled at him reassuringly.

"No problem, Captain."

Author's Note: That was that, I guess. As always, review please if you got this far.


End file.
